A Declaration!

So, I have decided to get busy. I’m doing pretty well I think. *chuckle* I finally cleared off my workspace.


I am going to take another look at that first rejected story and get started on revising it. I am going to keep working on TTOC. As a matter of fact I’ve uploaded Chapter 2! *pats self on back*

I'm still not quite as happy with it as I would like but it is a work in progress and this is only the first draft.
I am also going to be rather ambitious here and say that by this time next year I will either be finished 8 stories or will have at least started them. *looks Heavenward*

So here is to my muse, my ego and all the stories within. May we form the perfect alliance and produce and produce and produce and produce and produce ad finum! And may my stories find their audience.

How's TTOC coming?

It actually is coming along nicely. It has made me realize something though. There are parts of my personality that are still very childlike.  Ok...more brat-like.

I am on chapter 11 of this straight and simple story. I like where it is going and I am seeing and discovering things that I didn't know until I started telling the story. Those parts of the story are exciting and I love diving right into them. I have a hard time making myself stop working when I am dealing with the juicy exciting parts. 

Then there are those parts that are not quite as exciting but are just as important because they provide cohesion.  Insert eye roll, sighs and whining here.  But they are boring to write!

*whine whine whine whine*

I actually have to bargain with myself to get through those parts. I'll do a rough draft of those parts and go back and finish whatever I left out later.

So it is going well. I'm just being a brat.

I'm going to do better.

I AM GOING TO DO BETTER!

Cowardice thy face is mine...

So the picture above is the first page of the first ever draft of the first story I'm going to post here. Oh...mercy. *heart thumps* It is called The Thief Of Callandaria.

When I was a teenager I loved those old barbarian movies. I have no idea why but I did. One day I was watching one and all of a sudden, I didn't see the characters on the screen anymore. I saw my little cinnamon chocolate thief with her tings in her hair, trapped and tense with sword drawn for battle.

Her story is straight and simple and I hope you will enjoy it.

So this is it!

*smirk* This is the place where a good deal of my stories and ideas rest. If my place goes up in a fire tomorrow so will my ideas and stories. You might as well stick a fork in me because I would be done! Ok, ok, ok! Perhaps that is a bit dramatic. I’ve always been an internal dramatist.

I went through a few of the loose pages, scraps and napkins and found so many stories this past weekend. More than I had originally thought. What I thought was one story turned out to be more. AND AND AND!!! I am so excited! I have a name for a character that has been floating around in my head for the longest time. He is a charming devil and just this past Friday a name came to me and I saw his face. That damn man winked his approval at me! *chuckle* Then he gave me a few paragraphs of his story. Just a few, not enough to tell me who he is or what he is up to besides finding a warm bed for the night and of course someone to share it with. *chuckle* I do believe he is going to be a lot of fun to play with.

Yes, I know it sounds crazy but my characters, especially the male ones, are very alive in my head. They clamor for attention while I’m trying to sleep or listen to music or just relax. They want their stories to be told and they won’t go away until I do. I think that is why there are so many scraps of paper around. In fact I know that is why there are so many scraps of paper around. If a scene keeps playing and playing and playing…I’ve got scenes that have been playing in my head for years, then I’ll write it down to get some quiet.

No, it isn’t against my will. Usually there is something missing and I’m waiting for the pieces to click.
There is a story that I’ve had in my head since I was a kid. I don’t think I could have been more than 8-9 when I thought up the main character, a girl. She has changed, evolved and grown as I have. I know her far better than I know myself. I’ve got a bit of her story but I think I am waiting for the both of us to mature just a bit more. See, she is much older than I am. I don’t know why that matters but it does. Strangely enough, the ladies in my head are a lot more reserved and quiet, bless their imaginary hearts. They save their drama for the pages.

This is the inside. A shameful mess. I’m working on it. I found the beginning of a story and I don’t know when I wrote it, who it is about but I’ve got at least three characters already. *smh*

Tatiana Caldwell (TC), the authoress, is gonna strangle me.  I told TC that I have story ideas and even bits of stories written on napkins. She is the first person I've ever admitted that to. I am a wonderful keeper of secrets so it amazed me that I shared that with her.

The picture above is a stained napkin but the idea written on it is *singing first soprano* AWESOME!!!! Well, at least I think it is. I have no idea why I haven’t written this story up yet. It is done in my head. It is a fairly simple and straightforward story. *Spock brow* I think I shall start with that story. Because the story taking up most of my leisure hours these days is proving stubborn. Then my characters would probably say, if I let them, that I am proving stubborn. *smirk*

I love the whole story telling process and my muse (hope I get to meet him/her one day) but my own prejudices and experiences tend to creep in. Sometimes it is called for and sometimes not and then I have to go back to the drawing board. I am constantly reminding myself that each story isn’t about me. Therefore, what I would do in a given situation doesn’t really matter. It is about the characters in my head and on the page.  Not to worry because when I get it wrong I know. Everyone goes eerily quiet. Trust me, it is very unlike my mind to ever be quiet. It takes a concentrated effort for me to achieve mental quiet. So when they stop talking I know I’ve hit a snag.

Lately, the story I am working out in my head is babbling away a mile a minute. Still, there is something missing I think. Maybe. *ugh* Or maybe not. It is *insert French accent* a different kind of story.
I completed the whole novel only to find out that this is NOT how the story goes. *Charlie Brown missing the football scream* 140,000 words and that is not the way the story goes. *sigh* There was a very key element I was missing. I just got a piece of it. I hope more will come soon. In the meantime I’ll tell another story while my muse, ego and characters negotiate for creative control. *chuckle*

Looking through all these pieces of paper, I’d kind of like to strangle me my dang self. Page one of one story is on a very stained and fragile piece of paper. Ugh! There is a story I started of a man, dark, beautiful and as arrogant as Pharaoh and I forgot about this story idea ages ago. I have names for a few of the main characters and wrote out a bit of the story. See why I keep shaking my head at myself?

Then there is this dream that I had that I already know is a story to be written. I’ve written it down and have a general idea of where it is going but not why. Just yet. And my orphan story and…I think you get the general idea. I need to sit down and get busy.

Geesh! Good thing I don’t do drugs. If the ideas are tumbling out this fast with me stone cold sober I’d probably end up a raving lunatic under the influence of weed or something else.

I’ve got a huge 3 inch binder that is bursting at the seams with stories and poems. But I’ll tackle the file cabinet first. Maybe I’ll do the binder in 2011. *gazes hopefully at the heavens*

This is where I want to be right now. Well, somewhere like it. This picture is actually from somewhere in the Honduras. I prefer that my paradise not include homicidal drug lords. But that is just me.

Anyway, I get the best ideas for stories just laying around. Problem is that I get this awesome idea for a story or scene and then I sit up in a eureka moment and lose some of the awesomeness. Does that make sense? Probably not. But then the ideas that pop in my head for stories aren't like anything else out there. Maybe I'll post a story or two. I got a whole novel finished that has been rejected without even a critique. *shrug* Their loss. That's what I will tell myself till the day I die.

I think, I just want people to read and enjoy my stuff. But what if I am ahead of my time? What if I am just mediocre? What if no one ever wants to read the stories that dance out out of my fingers and onto a computer screen.

I know I should leave What If Land behind but I am only human. No one wants to know that no one wants what they offer with all their heart and mind. A lot goes into a story. I put more time and energy into my stories than I have ever put in any relationship I've ever had.

Real talk: the friends I have are still my friends becuz they fought to keep our friendship alive. I don't have a man becuz I've yet to meet one that was worth taking myself out of my comfy little world that I've built for myself. I have my stories, my friends, my...um... toys and my internet. Technology is very helpful to the modern day hermit.

But see while my stories still belong to me, bottled up inside of me, on scraps of paper in my Idea Cabinet, or on my hard drive then no one can trample on them and tell me they are terrible. No one can tell me that I am a hack at best and that the most I can ever hope to be is a bad blogger. I live by words and they do hurt when hurled just right by someone as smart and clever as I think I am.

Perhaps perhaps perhaps...perhaps I'll be braver than I thought I could ever be and post something relatively soon...