Twitter tag: #ratchetstoryhour
One day Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies got a call from her regional monied managing fairy. Seems things were looking rougher in the hood. Folks were low.
The rich were getting richer and the poor had less than nothing. It cost money to eat, sleep, get happy, get pissed and stab a mofo and end up spending money on bandages. Ambulances took their time coming because the poor couldn't foot the bill so why save them anyway?
Yeah, it was hard in the ghetto and people were losing faith in their mojos. Their dreams, their number books, their signs, and wonders. In short their majic. Yes MAJIC not magic. Only the bougie fairies had magic. Majic is just as strong, it just depends on different things. Like the belief of the poor that they can make things better.
So her little faux pearl shell phone vibrates.
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: Yeah, boss whad up?
Managing Monied Fairy: Heffa, have you heard what is going on in da skreets?
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: Yeah boss. So whatchu want me to do?
Managing Monied Fairy: Girl skip the details and just handle it because if everyone stops believing then we are out of jobs. I ain't trying to go back to the pole are you?
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies gets scared: Word boss? It’s that tight out in these skreets?
Managing Monied Fairy: For real kid.
So Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies puts her little pearl away and decides to take a walk through the hood. Just looking for someone who still believes. It was hot in the hood. Folks just sitting on their Section 8 steps waiting to die or for the first of the month. Whichever showed up first. They wouldn't fight death. They only seemed to fight life and life was beating every mofo down.
She rolled up on her girl Big Booty Monied Fairy.
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: Girl, you seen any believers lately?
Big Booty Monied Fairy did a neck roll: Girl it is hard out here in these skreets.
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: Girl I know it. That still don't mean we can't help folks. We just need to find a believer in the majic that is us.
Big Booty Monied Fairy: Well I done looked down in the projects, the Section 8, the playground. I even went to school yard. The skreets is dead!
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: It can't be dead. If it was we'd all be out of jobs already. *eye roll* And I ain't trying to go back to the pole. I like rolling through the hood thick, fine, and monied. We gotta get out there and find a believer. Or are YOU trying to go back to waiting tables?
Big Booty Monied Fairy: Oh hellz no! But where are we gonna look, boss? *staring down at her Manolows - (yes Manolows)
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: Let's head to the beauty shop. There gotta be some believers down there with all them women in there.
Ok, this was cute! I enjoyed that. I got some other stuff to do. May be I'll get back to this tomorrow. Right now I'm hungry. Catch yall l8r
So I'm back for another story hour. I think I will pick up where I left off with Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies.
If you will remember last night Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies and her girl Big Booty Monied Fairy were headed to the beauty shop. They were looking for believers in their majic. If they didn't find some soon they'd lose their fairy status, ghetto as it is, and have to go back to working regular jobs. Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies wasn't trying to go back to the pole.
We join our ghetto fairies at Alizayshia's House of Beauty.
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies strolls into the shop followed by Big Booty Monied Fairy.
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: What's up ladies? Hey Alizayshia! What's going on? Whatchall know good?
Alizayshia: Girl nothing good going on around here. You ain't been around in a minute. Let me hip you to the latest dirt.
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies *rolls eyes*: Alizayshia, I swear you always blowing things out of proportion. *sits in chair*
Alizayshia massaging her scalp: I wish it was that simple this time. My cousin Pookie got set up by some bish he was messing with.
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: Your cousin Pookie always in some mess. That is nothing new. I told him about messing with feelings.
Alizayshia sucks teeth: True, but that ain't all girl. Dawnques, the new guy I'm kicking it with. Well he just lost his job and his ex is tripping and won't let him see his kids until he pay back child support. He says he owes about $20,000 back support.
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: The same Dawnques that has been making babies since he was 16 and is damn near 40 with 12 kids and 14 baby mommas?
Alizaysha stops massaging: Why you gotta take it there? Dang! *chuckling* Yeah him. I'm starting to see what the attraction is.
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: Well girl see all the attraction you want just don't have any babies by him. He got enough now.
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies makes note to call her girl Birth Control Fairy and send her some chocolates on Alizayshia's behalf.
Alizayshia is thoughtful a moment: I guess you are right. It could be worse and Pookie never had a lick of sense. I be faithful with my pill. Still Dawnques do make some pretty babies.
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: Yeah but he can't afford them. And then you would be sharing privileges with Antwonique. I thought you couldn't stand that heffa?
Alizaysha pauses: Say what now?
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: Girl didn't you know? His 3rd and 4th baby is by her. Call her cousin and see if I'm lying.
Alizayshia hadn't been able to stand Antownique Houston since she burned her boyfriend back in high school.
Alizayshia starts massaging with vigor: Girl, if that is true he got to go. Hold on while I place a call. Alizayshia heads to her office. Five minutes later Alizayshia is back and feeling some kind of way.
Alizayshia: Shawntiqua you was right! Oh hells no! I can't be having no babies with him. Matter of fact he might have to go.
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: Might? I thought you said he HAD to go.
Alizayshia: Girl dack is free on any street corner but good dack is scarce! Especially good clean dack! You know I had him tested!
Alizayshia and Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies bump fists: That's what is up!
Alizayshia: He was talking his way around my defenses about having a baby with him. But not now, girl. Whew! Like I always say, you're magic. You always show up in the nick of time. I was just thinking about skipping my pill and having a baby with this fool.
The longer Alizayshia thought the madder she got: Yeah. He got to go. He knows the way around all my defenses.
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: Ow! Alizayshia, I ain't your coulda woulda been baby daddy so could you not take it out on my head.
Alizayshia cracks up: My bad girl. Go on back to the shampoo bowl.
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: Now don't forget to play them numbers you dreamed up. This seems like your lucky day.
Alizayshia: Girl, you always have a way of turning my bad luck around. If I hit tonight, I might just put him out. No need tempting fate.
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: Girl whatever! You just play them numbers like I said. *air kisses*
As our two ghetto fairies turn the corner Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies pulls her pearl cell from her pocket and makes that call. Putting it away she looks at her Big Booty Monied Fairy friend and nods: Done deal.
Big Booty Monied Fairy: Think she'll really put him out?
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: Count on it. Because you are going to call your girl over in the dreams dept and order up a special something something kind of dream that is gonna leave her feeling some kind of way. She'll wake up packing his bags. *cackles*.
Big Booty Monied Fairy: But how is that gonna help her believe in our majic?
Shawntiqua: That is only part of my plan, girl. Watch and learn girl. Watch and learn. I've been at this game a minute.
That concludes story hour for the day! lol Whew! This is kind of fun. This spontaneous story telling.
Good evening folks! I hope everyone is having a great Saturday. I got some chores done. Now I'm settling down to get some story telling done.
Thought I'd swing by and see what Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies and her team are up to.
This is all just stuff that comes off the top of my head. Nothing prepared. So let’s see what the muse has for us.
If you'll remember from last night, Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies had just left Alizayshia's House of Beauty and was putting plans in motion to get Alizayshia to put the serial baby daddy she was currently dating out of her life before he messed up her life and another innocent child. Let's tune in shall we?
Shanwtiqua: Booty, what did your friend over in the dreams department say? Is it on for this week or what?
Booty: Yeah she said it is on. She said the south side of fairy land is all excited. Seems a couple people went out and bought dream books after we left the shop.
Shawtiqua fluffs her natural tri-colored locks: Told ya. Now we just got to seal it with a nice size numbers win and the dream.
Booty: My girl over in Dreams said that the Head Fairy In Charge Of Gaming Money would authorize a big win if you want.
Shawntiqua shakes her head vehemently: Nawl! That will not work! Then she’d think she had the money to have his babies. That isn’t any good for her or her kids to be. They have a chance to be more.
Booty stares in wide eyed awe: I hadn’t thought of it that way. What do you think they can be? And who with?
Shawntiqua squints into a hazy future that she can see thanks to her fairies on her mom’s side of the family.
Shawntiqua: Can’t tell. So much will depend on her decisions. I see a couple decent dudes headed her way.
Booty tries squinting and only gets blurred vision. Shawntiqua laughs: Booty, what are you doing?
Booty: Trying to see what you see.
Shawntiqua: Well cut it out before you give yourself a headache. We don’t have time for being sick right now. We gotta get hustling.
Booty rubs her eyes: What are we gonna do now?
Shawntiqua: First, I’m gonna dictate the dream into your memory vine. Then you’re gonna fly over to the Dreams Dept with it and tell Alizayshia's dream merchant what her dream is to be tonight.
Booty and Shawntiqua cop themselves a seat at an abandoned building where they are sure to be alone and undisturbed. Booty unwraps the golden vine wrapped around her upper arm and hands it to Shawntiqua. Shawntiqua wraps the vine around her head and sits for several long moments in silence. Booty keeps watch. Now Booty had defenses should anyone come to bother them. She was wearing a bracelet that was really a stunner. Booty just hated using it. It had the unfortunate side effect of making the victim unable to say no for 24 hours.
Then Booty would be required by the fairy rules of conduct that governed bougie and ghetto fairies alike to watch over that person until they returned to normal. Booty didn't have time for all that. Alizayshia wasn't the only one with a new boo thang.
Shawntiqua didn’t take long to relay the dream to the vine.
Shawntiqua: Now Booty get over to the Dreams dept as fast as you can. If everyone is as excited as you say over one renewed believer then her dream merchant will be readying her dreams any second.
Booty nodded. Shawntiqua looked around for a building with an open doorway that was painted white. She pointed at an empty house a couple blocks away.
Shawntiqua: There. That’s the perfect portal back to fairy land. Go now.
Booty got up and hurried away without even a goodbye. Shawntiqua waited for the telltale twinkle that others would mistake for a reflection of light. In reality it was confirmation that Booty had made it safely back to fairy land. Shawntiqua smiled and got up and headed for the same doorway. In a flash of light and a twinkle of sound Shawntiqua was home. She gathered up her chocolate charms and put on her sexiest outfit that showed off all her best…assets and headed out.
Shawntiqua’s first stop was the Birth Control Fairy’s house. No one was home so she left her favorite chocolates wrapped in pink spider’s silk on her doorstep. Then she headed over to see the cat daddy of all fairies. The Head Fairy In Charge of Gaming Money.
Shawntiqua walked in the gaming place and saw the names and scores of all the players in the hood/ghetto on the walls. Now the scores weren’t for how much they had won or lost but of how much of themselves that had given or not.
In the fairy realm the first rule was: What goes around comes right back around. And if the fairies were feeling generous they gave better than the good deed doer deserved. For bad deed doers the same rules applied. They took a bit of joy in giving a bad deed doer extra.
Shawntiqua walked in the gaming place and saw the names and scores of all the players in the hood/ghetto on the walls. She looked until she found Alizayshia's wall and the fairy in charge of her. A tall cool laid back chick by the name of Deezela.
Shawntiqua: Hi *squints at name tag* Deezela. Can I holla at ya for a minute?
Deezela shakes her head wisely: I already know what you are here for. You are gonna have to clear it with my boss first. *shoots her a crooked grin* I don’t think you are gonna have a problem though.
Shawntiqua figured as much. She was just following an unwritten protocol. You don’t go to anyone’s boss unless absolutely necessary.
Deezela nodded to the closed rose petal curtains at the opposite end of the score room: He’ll be in there this time of day.
Shawntiqua thanked Deezela and headed that way wondering what type of mood she’d find the boss in today.
As the fairy in charge of all gaming money and therefore gaming luck his mood turned on a whim. Still belief affected him just as much as everyone else. Shawntiqua stopped at the petals and whispered her name and a request for an audience with is grand fairy-ness.
The petals waved as though moved by a breeze but there was none. They were relaying her message and waiting for his reply.
Then the curtain parted letting her into his grand office. Lady Luck Fairies twitched and switched by her. Some she knew and they winked in recognition and those she didn’t nodded nonetheless. All was cooperation among the fairies. All for one and one for all most days.
She strolled up to the big guy’s desk knowing he’d never look up. He was busy watching over luck in all the realms there were. He couldn’t take his eyes off the boards for a moment. Luck spun on a dime and it was his job to keep it spinning and never resting. The only time luck rested was when the new head fairy in charge took over the management of luck. That was just necessary.
Tonie was the current Head Fairy In Charge Of All Gambling money.
Tonie: What took you so long to get here?
Shawntiqua: I needed to drop off a little bribe to the Birth Control Fairy. How you been, Tonie?
Tonie: Alright. Could always be better. So let’s cut to the chase. You want Alizayshia to win some money just not a lot.
Shawntiqua was shocked it was all so easy.: Not that I ain’t grateful, cuz I am, but no bargaining?
Tonie: Nope. *Tonie spins dime and someone’s luck changes*
Shawntiqua: Why have me come down here then?
Tonie: I just missed seeing your face. I don’t get too many visitors on account of I gotta keep my eye on luck at all times. Nice hearing your voice even if I can’t see you now.
Shawntiqua grinned. They did go back a bit: Well when your turn at luck is up, come see me for real so I can thank you properly.
It was all Tonie could do to keep from laughing. He managed a smile and changed a whole lot of people’s luck for the better. He hoped they were the right people otherwise he’d have a lot of explaining to do.
Tonie: I’ll be sure to do that. I should be done in 30-40 years.
Shawntiqua: Oh that’s no time at all. It’ll be here in no time.
Tonie cut short the interview because he was starting to get distracted: See ya then Shawntiqua. Shawntiqua finger waved at his back.
Shawntiqua headed back the way she had come and stopped off home to change back into her street wear before heading back to the ghetto. She appeared walking around a corner as if she had always been there. She sent a fairy text to see if Booty was back. Shawntiqua got a sweet tingle back. Booty had completed her task. They met up at the chicken shack to talk over two chicken boxes and jumbo half n halfs.
Shawntiqua: So did you speak to the Head of Dreams? Did they go for it?
Booty: Yeah! Everyone is so excited. It has been so long since anyone believed. People had been getting their resumes together to try being human.
They both shared a shudder at their old lives.
Shawntiqua: It is ok if you are rich but if you gotta work for it. Ugh baby ugh!
Booty: Well, not all jobs sucked. I think just the ones we had sucked. There are some people who like what they do.
Shawntiqua sucked her teeth: well I’ll go back to being human when all the sucky jobs cease to exist. Until then I’ll stay a monied fairy.
Booty held up her jumbo styrofoam cup in toast: You ain’t lying. *they bumped cups and drank deeply of the half iced tea and half lemonade concoction that could only have been better with a hit of gin in it. But they were both on duty and needed clear heads for the night ahead.
Booty: So what do we do now?
Shawntiqua: Well we’ve done all we can do for Alizayshia for now. Let’s get back out on the streets. There’s gotta be another believer or someone on the edge of belief and disbelief out there somewhere. Let’s go find them.
Booty unconvinced: Two in one day? Now I think you’re pushing it.
Shawntiqua: I sure am. And I’m a keep pushing it until we change the tide.
Good evening tweeples! I know I've been MIA for a minute but even story tellers need a rest.
So I'm rested and ready to flex my brain for another story hour. So without further ado we head back to the skreets with Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies and her friend Big Booty Monied Fairy.
When last we saw our majical skreet fairies they had set the plan in motion to change Alizayshia of Alizayshia’s House of Beauty’s luck. They sought to make her believe in the majic of luck through her dreams. We join our fairies after chowing down and headed to the skreets to see who else might still believe in majic.
Shawntiqua: Dang it is a nice night to be out. Kids playing because schools out. Folks sitting on the stoop catching the cool evening breeze. There has got to be another almost believer out here tonight. I can feel it.
Big Booty Monied Fairy: Yeah so can I. But I feel an undercurrent of trouble too.
Shawntiqua *sucks teeth*: Girl that’s always there.
Booty: Yeah but tonight, right now the trouble feels real close.
Shawntiqua: All the more reason someone’s gonna need us.
Booty *skeptical side eye*: How much diamond dust did you get in your eyes when you stopped home?
Shawntiqua *rolls eyes*: None! I don’t need it. Dang, Booty! Do I have to convince you our majic is real too?
Booty *shakes her black and green ponytail*: Naw! I know our majic is real. I just wonder how strong is people’s belief. You know how people jump from one thing to another.
Shawntiqua: Booty, just stick with me. Have I ever been wrong before?
Booty *thoughtful pose*: No. No you haven’t. *sighs* Ok, lead the way then. Where are we going?
Shawntiqua: I thought we’d head over to the Numbers Club.
Booty: Oh girl! I got just the dress to change –
Shawntiqua cut her right off: We are on duty. What we got on is perfect. Save that outfit for this weekend when we’re off duty.
Booty started to pout but then realized that her boss was right. With their minds made up it was just a thought and a turn of a corner and they were clear across town in front of the Numbers Club.
It was a weekday night and the place was only half full. A good crowd nonetheless. The bouncers on the door new the girls well and let them right in. Both bouncers gave Booty’s booty a longing stare as she minced enticingly by them. Shawntiqua cut her eyes at Booty.
Booty: Boss don’t look at me that way. I didn’t make my booty so succulent.
Shawntiqua: Yeah but you made it switch extra special. And if you don’t control yourself you’ll be the start of the trouble and you know how Thee Boss Of All Things feels about that.
Booty sobered up quick: You’re right, Boss. My bad.
Shawntiqua nodded once. Booty tossed a handful of glam dust behind her to disguise the butt that made her sexy in and out of clothing. They grabbed a table in the corner and sat back with sodas to watch.
Shawntiqua: I think we found what we are looking for.
Shawntiqua nodded to the smallish dude coming through the door: That’s Big Luther and wherever he goes trouble is close on someone’s heels. The question is whose and how do we help them?
Booty squinted at the unassuming dark chocolate man that she’d heard so much about: How do you know we are even suppose to help whoever he’s after? Maybe they’ll deserve whatever he’s dishing.
Shawntiqua shook her head and spoke patiently: Then we wouldn’t be here.
Booty almost smacked herself in the forehead at her forgetfulness: That’s right. The bad luck fairies would have been all over this place.
Booty: So what do we do now?
Shawntiqua shushed her: Just watch the man with the plan. We’ll know what to do soon.
Big Luther moved from table to table eyes searching the darkened corners of the club. Looking for someone. The fairies held their breaths in anticipation. Waiting for Luther to pick out his prey. He made a circle of the downstairs of the club twice. Then he headed upstairs.
Booty made to get up: I’ll follow him boss.
Shawntiqua: Just send me a tingle if he finds the person he’s looking for. I got a feeling they ain’t here yet. But they are close. Keep an eye on Big Luther. And Booty? No flirting. I know he’s your type but not tonight.
Booty: Don’t worry. I’ll behave boss.
Booty disappeared up the stairs after the slight man called Big Luther.
Shawntiqua scanned the small crowd hoping to figure out who was in trouble when she felt it. That feeling somewhere between fear and hope. Fear of what you know will happen and hope for a miracle to spare you. Shawntiqua scanned the crowd trying to zero in on the one in trouble. She couldn’t see them but she could feel them. She got up and let the feeling pull her to the one who still believed in wishes.
*runs in all out of breath* OHMYGOODNESS! I'm late for story hour! Sorry! It is raining here and traffic was a bear! Lol But here I am again, ready to entertain and get my muse all warmed up. *claps hands together* So we left our fairies at The Numbers Club. Shantiqua was being carried on a feeling to one who still believed, if only halfheartedly in wishes.
Shantiqua moved slowly through the light crowd scanning. She smiled at some folk who thought they recognized her.
All people recognized goodness when they saw it. Everyone just reacted to it differently. She stood a moment in a dark corner and got her fairy bearings. She felt the pull hardest now. She followed its pull to another dark corner over behind the bar. There sat a solitary figure, dressed in dark clothes and hunched down so that you’d almost think they were just a shadow.
Shantiqua moved over to that end of the bar and sat on a stool. She positioned her body so that the figure couldn’t be seen by Big Luther should he come back searching again. She put her bag on the bar and sat patiently waiting for the bartender to notice her.
She reached in her purse and tapped out a little message to Booty that she had found who they were looking for.
Then she looked over into the dark corner. She stroked her temple absentmindedly as if she had a headache. She was really turning on her fairy night vision. The boy came into focus quick. She thought boy because he couldn’t be older than 16 or 17. She wondered how he got past the bouncers. The Numbers Club was for the 25 and older crowd. No exceptions.
Just then Booty sat down beside her. She motioned to the boy on the other side of her. Shantiqua and Booty took out their cells to text.
Booty: He’s awful young. No wonder he still believes in wishes. Should we read him?
Shantiqua: No. Not now. We need to get him away from Big Luther. Where did you leave him?
Booty: Up stairs squeezing on some girl’s butt. Shantiqua and Booty snorted amused.
The bartender chose that moment to approach. They gave him their orders quickly and then turned back to plotting the boy’s escape. The bartender returned with their drinks. Booty slipped off her stool and walked around to end of the bar. She looked at the boy hard.
Then she texted Shantiqua: That’s Big Luther’s baby brother, Darwin. BL has been trying to groom him to get into the street game.
Shantiqua shook her head.
Booty: He’s supposed to be real smart in school though, even though BL be having him on those skreets first thing in the evening. He’s like a true brain.
Shantiqua: Poor thing. He needs help. I can feel it.
Booty: No doubt.
Booty: This is the busiest part of the evening for BL. Darwin should be making some pickups. The fact he ain’t means trouble for him.
Shantiqua: Him being BL’s brother is how he got past the bouncers. But he can’t hide here all night.
Booty: It ain’t even that good of a hiding spot. So what do we do?
Just then Big Luther comes down the stairs with two women. Big Luther was grinning but his eyes were scanning the crowd. Booty positioned herself to further block the boy from sight. Big Luther headed for the bar with the two women and ordered drinks all around. He eyed the girls but dismissed them. They had deglammed. Otherwise they would have drawn undo attention to themselves.
Booty: We got to get them out of here.
Shawntiqua: No. We need to get the boy out of here. Shawntiqua thought quickly as Big Luther and the women headed for a table to enjoy their drinks.
Shawntiqua knew the layout of the bar well. Behind the bar was a trapdoor that most people knew nothing about. It led to the basement. If they could just figure a way to get back there, they could both drag the boy down and out. But how to get behind the bar?
Yikes! I just realized I haven't done story hour since LAST TUESDAY! Time to give my muse a proper warm up.
So let me recap: Last we left Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies she and her friend Big Booty Monied Fairy were at the Numbers Club.
The pair were looking for someone in need of help who still believed in majic and wishes. They found him in the personage of one of the local gangsters’ little brother Darwin. Darwin was hiding from his brother Big Luther and picked the wrong spot. The fairies were trying to figure out how to get him out of there and passed his brother without being noticed. Let us join them now.
Shawntiqua: Booty, I need you to glam up!
Booty looks at her in wide eyed shock: Why boss?
Shawntiqua: Because we need Big Luther to be looking somewhere else so I can get Darwin out of here.
Booty: Ok, half glam?
Shawntiqua shook her head once: Full glam.
Booty in an whisper: Boss are you sure? I mean…full glam…in the humanoid world?
Shawntiqua: It is the only way, Booty. Trust me.
Booty nodded and looked around wild eyed as she reached into her purse. Shawntiqua grabbed her wrist: Not here! She hissed. Go into the bathroom you nut!
Booty almost smacked herself in the head: What was I thinking?
Shawntiqua: Girl I love you but sometimes… Booty gave her an embarrassed grin as she headed for the ladies room to go full glam.
It would truly never do for her to go from plain to a dime in the blinking of an eye in full view of the room. Booty sometimes forgot these things. She had only been a fairy for a decade or two and she was still getting use to what she should and shouldn’t do in front of people.
Shawntiqua sat impatiently tapping her fingernails. She could feel the desperation coming off of Darwin. They had to do something soon. If they didn’t she had a feeling he was going to do something stupid in his desperation and nothing good would come of it.
In half a fairy moment Booty was back and looking bootilicious! The men didn’t just pause when she re-entered the place. Everyone one paused including the DJ. The music skipped as if to emphasize the fact that true beauty had just entered the place and needed to be acknowledged. And acknowledge it people did.
The players readied their game plans while the haters tried to hate but couldn’t.
Booty in full on fairy glam was just too pretty and sweet to hate. There was something about a fairy in full glam that just begged for your eyes to admire and not hate. Envy was just fine but you couldn’t hate on them. It really wasn’t Booty’s fault that she was one of prettiest and sexiest fairies in Fairydom. And she knew how to work it. She rolled her hips as she glided through the room with all eyes on her. Most especially, Big Luther’s. Every man (and woman) who ached for womankind watched to see where the beauty would settle.
Booty picked a spot in another corner of the club. One that would make Big Luther have to give his back to Darwin. Big Luther followed Booty with his eyes first and then turned his whole body from his companions.
That’s when the argument started.
Big Luther’s chick 1: Um excuse me but are you with us or her?
Big Luther’s chick 2: Yeah! What’s up with that? Dang we ain’t good enough for you no more?
Big Luther shot them both a quick evil eye: Y’all can both go whenever you like if you are tired of drinking my free liquor.
Both ladies exchanged mean looks. There was a fight brewing. They were just trying to decide whether to fight with each other or the newby.
Big Luther got up and headed toward Booty as he saw several players starting to do the same. He didn’t give his two companions a second thought. Well he did spare them one thought. He hoped they would be gone by the time he acquired his new main chick.
As Big Luther made his way over to talk to Booty, Shawntiqua made her way over to instigate a fight. She hoped that Darwin would take the opportunity to run.
Shawntiqua: Dang ladies how he gonna just roll up on a new chick like that and leave y’all hanging. Some men are so rude. The women conversed back and forth their eyes flashing and getting angrier as Big Luther laid public claim to Booty. Shawntiqua steered their anger away from Booty and directly to Big Luther. It took some talking but in no time at all both women were angry enough to head over to where Big Luther and Booty were sitting. Shawntiqua caught Booty’s eye and gave her the signal.
The women came over and lit into Big Luther much to his surprise. He was speechless for several moments as both women let loose a string of cursesall directed at him. Shawntiqua turned back to her seat and saw Darwin hadn’t moved. Shawntiqua wondered why he was still there.
Shawntiqua moved in quick and spoke to him: Boy you better get out of here before your brother sees you. Git gone now!
Darwin lifted his head slowly. Both light and dark shined back at her from his eyes. Shawntiqua knew in an instant what trouble lay in his young heart.
Shawntiqua: Darwin, I know what you’re thinking and you just need to get on out of here. You don’t want to do what you are thinking. Do you hear me?
Darwin just stared at her. He didn’t know who she was but he knew what she meant. He was just confused in how she knew him and what was on his mind. Darwin wondered if someone had snitched on him. There were truly no secrets on the streets. He hadn’t exactly tried to hide his plans anyway. What for? Besides today was as good as any to die.
Darwin: Git away from me. I don’t know you and if you know like I know, you’ll forget you know me. Just git away from me.
Shawntiqua thought quick. The boy wasn’t cooperating like she thought. She’d have to do something drastic. And she’d have to do it quick.
Shawntiqua hated to do it. It would cost her a year of fairylife but it was the only way she could think of to save a young soul she could see was well worth saving. She could see someone who be a help to the community if she could just get him loose from Big Luther.
Shawntiqua: This is gonna hurt a lot, she whispered. Then she closed her eyes, reached deep in her heart and then reached out to Darwin the boy that he still was. The boy who was wishing the day and his life away.
She pulled on his belief and did the unthinkable…she paused life.
Not just life on Earth or in this realm but life in the Infinite. It was a big task and it was rarely done which was why it cost her some of her fairylife. She had hoped only a year but the boy was stubborn so she ended up losing all but 30 years of fairylife as she dragged him outside. Shawntiqua: Boy do you know what I just gave up for you? Ugh! No of course you wouldn’t. Darwin looked around confused.
One moment he had been in the club and now he was outside and he couldn’t remember how he had gotten out there.
Darwin: How did I get out here? Lady who are you and why won’t you leave me alone?
Shawntiqua had dragged him out to the alley.
He turned to go back to the front of the club so he could get back inside. But just then Booty came running around the side.
Booty had deglammed on the run: Girl it is an all out fight in there! I hated to leave it. Darwin looked from one to the other.
Shawntiqua: Darwin, we went through a lot to get you out of there. A lot. Shawntiqua looked meaningfully at Booty.
Booty wanted to tear up but fairies cried flawless diamonds and there was no way she’d be able to gather them up once they fell in the dark dirty alley.
Whew! Ok! That concludes another story hour. I hope you enjoyed it. Now have a great evening!
Good evening folks! I am back for another story hour tonight. Before I start I just wanted to give my disclaimer for story hour.
Disclaimer: Story hour is written on the fly and by the seat of my pants/skirt/dress/or whatever I’m wearing at the time. So though I do give it a peruse before I tweet I don’t go into deep editing nor do I have an editor sitting by my side. Just ain’t timely. So I do ask that you forgive any spelling or grammatical errors. This is what I do to warm up my muse so that I can get cracking on my other books. I was reminded today how annoying some folks find spelling and grammatical errors and I just wanted to say sorry in the beginning. I do not mean to annoy, only to entertain anyone in need of a laugh. To that end, I shall get to entertaining. Let #ratchetstoryhour begin.
So last we left Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies and her friend Big Bootied Monied Fairy they were in the alley behind the Numbers Club with the neighborhood thug’s little brother Darwin. They had rescued him from his brother’s clutches but he wasn’t feeling the least bit grateful in the face of Shawntiqua’s great sacrifice. Fairy life years. A fairy only got so many and she had given up all but a few decades in order to get him out of the club unseen by his brother. Shawntiqua shook her head at him thinking:
Why do brothers always got to be so dang ungrateful? Ugh! Then he don’t even know what I gave up for him. She shook her head at Booty’s tears. Shawntiqua: No use crying. Let’s just get him out of here. They both reached for Darwin and that’s when they saw the gun.
Darwin: I said git away from me!
Shawntiqua: Darwin! Boy put that down before you hurt yourself!
Darwin backed up headed for the back door. Darwin: I got business inside and if y’all know what’s good for you, you get out of here. Darwin pounded a special pound on the back door. It opened and in he went before either fairy could stop him. Not that they had a clue how to do so.
Booty turned to Shawntiqua: Now what do we do?
Shawntiqua: The only thing we can do. Go back inside the club.
Booty: What good is that gonna do us?
Shawntiqua: I don’t know but come on! Shawntiqua grabbed Booty’s arm and dragged her reluctantly back into the club. Shawntiqua might be self-sacrificing but Booty hadn’t been a fairy long enough to be ready to give up any fairy years just yet.
As they made their way around to the front of the club pandemonium spilled out into the streets. The two chicks that had been with Big Luther were both tossed unceremoniously out of the club. They landed in a heap in front of the fairies.
Big Sig the bouncer deep voice rumbled out of the mountain of a man: And stay your raggedy butts out of here.
Big Luther’s chick 1: Oh so now we are raggedy?
Big Luther’s chick 2: Yeah, we wasn’t raggedy when we all were in that foursome with you and Big Luther last weekend!
Big Luther came running out the club then: Y’all shut up! Just shut the eff up! You don’t know what you’re talking about.
By now there was a crowd gathering. What had been seen as just another club brawl was now turning into a T spilling session. And what delicious T there was about to be spilled.
Raggedy chick 1 got shakily to her feet and then helped up Raggedy Chick 2: We’ll see about that.
Big Luther looked around at the gathering crowd: Shut up woman. You ain’t got nothing on us. Right bruh? Luther looked at Big Sig.
Big Sig dismissed the women without a backwards glance and started to head back to his spot on the door until the Raggedy Chicks started flapping their gums. The two fairies looked at each other in wide eyed shock. They couldn’t get pass the crowd to get to Darwin. And really they wanted to get the T just like everyone else. What did the Raggedy Chicks have on Big Luther and Big Sig? And did they have proof? Not that proof often mattered in the streets. Good T was good T whether it was true or not. Cable cost money but street gossip was always free! Still they kept an eye on the exits for Darwin.
Raggedy Chick 1: Oh, y’all don’t think we got pictures?
Raggedy Chick 1 elbowed Raggedy Chick 2. Big Sig stood at the door as stoic as ever. He was hoping it was a fishing expedition. He couldn’t remember much about that night. It was fuzzy. He’d woke up naked and saggy balls. That was always a good sign that he’d had fun. The Chicks had already been up and had been getting ready to leave his place. Big Luther hadn’t been anywhere around. If they had pics he could hardly care less about pics of himself and Big Luther smanging these chicks.
He shrugged unconcerned: So you got pics of me fugging the dog ish out of you. What of it?
Both Raggedy Chicks smiled knowingly at each other. Something bad turned over in Big Sig’s stomach. Then he shot Big Luther’s quiet azz a dark look. Big Luther suddenly looked guilty as sin. Big Luther was scared. He couldn’t remember what had happened last weekend either.
He was scared because he was afraid he might have forgotten himself and indulged in his favorite kink in front of strangers. If word got out on the streets what he was into in the bedroom he could just hang up his Tims and get a straight job. He shuddered at the thought. The only jobs he’d ever qualify for were all minimum wage. He’d die first. He had to find out what these Raggedy heffas knew and quietly. The crowd was thick now and yelling and jeering at the chicks to spill it or shut the hell up. Raggedy Chick 1 and 2 looked like they were warming up to their audience and were about to pop at any moment. Big Luther couldn’t take a chance that they knew anything worth telling. Big Sig flexed his big chest muscles and waited.
Shawntiqua and Booty kept scanning the crowd for Darwin and watching the melee in front of them.
Shawntiqua: If these raggedy hoes don’t spill the T so this crowd can break up and we can find Darwin I’m gonna have some Ill Will sent their way that will last for the next year! We have got to find Darwin. She was shouting in Booty’s ear just getting it all wet with spit.
Booty wiped her ear with her hand and nodded. Just then Booty spotted movement that was different from the rest of the crowd. It was Darwin and he was pushing his way to the forefront of the crowd that shouted, jeered, and taunted the Raggedy Chicks.
Shawntiqua and Booty started elbowing their way through the crowd. They had to get to Darwin before he pulled that gun again. Shawntiqua had seen into Darwin’s heart and soul back in the club. He was desperate but still held out a tiny bit of hope. He was determined that either he or his brother was gonna die tonight. Shawntiqua and Booty were going to do everything in their power to make sure it didn’t go down like that.
Welp! That ends another #RatchetStoryHour folks! I hope you enjoyed it. Now I’m going to go have a snack and get to writing. Y’all have a good one!
Disclaimer: Story hour is written by me on the fly and by the seat of my pants/skirt/dress/or whatever I’m wearing at the time. So though I do give it a peruse before I tweet I don’t go into deep editing nor do I have an editor sitting by my side. Just ain’t timely. So I do ask that you forgive any spelling or grammatical errors. This is what I do to warm up my muse so that I can get cracking on my other books. I was reminded about how annoying some folks find spelling and grammatical errors and I just wanted to say sorry in the beginning.
So last we left the Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies and her friend Big Bootied Monied Fairy they were stuck in the middle of an unfolding dramady. Two ratchet chicks were about to spill his T to the crowd in front of the Numbers Club for having them thrown out.
Big Luther was so busy trying to get the two ratchet chicks to shut up that he didn’t notice his younger brother coming up on him from behind ready to bust a cap in him. Our ghetto fairies were trying to fight through the crowd to stop Darwin from throwing his life away in jail. He was just too smart to let go out like that. He had a bright future ahead of him if Shawntiqua and Booty could stop him from shooting his brother Big Luther.
Shawntiqua yelled to Booty: You go around that way and I’ll try to get to Darwin this way.
Shawntiqua and Booty took off elbowing people in earnest to get to Darwin. Meanwhile the two Raggedy Chicks had warmed up to the crowd.
Raggedy Chick 1: Oh come on now Big Luther! The people have inquiring minds and we are in the mood to tell the truth and shame you!
A random chick in the crowd yelled out: These ganches ain’t telling nothing! They just trying to get some attention. Come Jaundayquisha.
Juandaquisha: Now hold on. I know that one chick from around the way. She stay in the middle of juicy dirt. Just hold on a minute. That raggedy bum of a boyfriend of yours ain’t going nowhere no time soon. I know you just in hurry to get back to him. We got the booze.
Jaundayquisha indicated the bags her friend was holding. Just then Raggedy Chick 2 spoke up: Oh we got dirt. Like pics of how Big Luther gets his swerve on.
Raggedy Chick 1: Yeah. He likes a little something special when he’s sexing.
Big Luther’s heart stopped. Big Sig the bouncer who had been with Big Luther but couldn’t remember what had happened that night suddenly was a lot more interested. He narrowed his eyes dangerously for a moment in thought. He came to a decision quick. He didn’t know what had happened that night but he sure didn’t want to find out in front of the whole club. Something told him it wasn’t gonna be pretty and boss or not Big Luther might die that night by Big Sig’s hands. Big Sig’s voice boomed out into the night: Y’all hoes come on in the club! Come on!
Both Raggedy Chicks turned toward Big Sig. He was a big dark bruiser looking man. Still they weren’t scared. They both figured they were safer in the crowd.
Raggedy Chick 2: Naw, Big Sig. We fine right where we at!
Raggedy Chick 1 nodded her head: Only fools would follow y’all back in that club.
Raggedy Chick 1: And I ain’t that much of a fool though I do have my days.
Then she turned to the grumbling crowd: Anyone want to see the pics check my fb page!
Ragged Chick 2: And mine too!
Pandemonium ensued as people yelled questions about the pics and what were their fb names. The two Raggedy Chicks were in their element. Just then shots rang out! People screamed and ducked for cover. Booty and Shawntiqua froze in place on either side of Darwin.
But Darwin hadn’t moved. He had been just as mesmerized by the Raggedy Chicks and what they had to say as everyone else. Big Luther humiliated would never be able to remain boss of the skreets and Darwin might be able to be free without having to kill.
Darwin’s little 16 year old heart had started wishing hard. Then something whizzed by his head and he realized it was a bullet. He stood there dazed. He couldn’t believe someone had taken a shot at him. He started to look in the direction of the shooter when hands grabbed him on either side of him and dragged him to the ground.
Booty: Boy is you crazy? Shots fired fool! Get on the damn ground! That is the first rule of the ghetto! Didn’t anyone ever teach you that?
Shawntiqua: Keep low and let’s get out of here! Darwin didn't even think of arguing. He just kept low as more shots were fired. There were screams of terror as the crowd ducked and ran for cover. Just under it all someone was yelling. Had the fairies or Darwin been stupid enough to stand up and look back they would have seen Big Luther surrounded by the invisible spirits of Ill Will. It would seem that his time of retribution had come and not a moment too soon.
Big Luther was having a major meltdown and shooting blindly. He winged Raggedy Chick 1 in the arm and she lay on the ground howling. Raggedy Chick 2 was better at staying low to the ground and got away scott free. All the while wondering if her pics could net her any money now. She was sure that they’d make the news. She ran with glee instead of fear around a corner and out of shooting range.
Big Sig stood in shock for a few precious moments. He was in luck that night. He had never done any real harm to anyone accept the belligerent people he tossed out of the club as part of his job. So his luck held as Big Luther continued to shoot into the crowd instead of turning around and shooting behind him too. When he came to his senses he got the drop on Big Luther and down the two went.
By that time sirens were pulling up to the club. Police were swarming the scene and witnesses were getting ready for their 15 seconds of tv news fame. A few blocks away our fairies and young Darwin finally stop to catch their breaths.
Booty breathlessly: Glad I didn’t wear my cute outfit and shoes. Whew!
Shawntiqua just as breathless: Girl! I could have never predicted that! All three laughed.
Darwin looked at the two women in wonder: Who are y’all? Why did y’all jump in my business back there? And how did y’all know what I was gonna do anyways?
Shawntiqua: Do it really matter?
Shawntiqua: Well, you looked like you were at the end of your rope and needed a helping hand. Now do you have someone you can stay with? Someone you can trust to see you go to school and make something good out of yourself?
Darwin thought about it: Well I do have an aunt but she lives out in the Midwest in some corny little nothing town.
So ends another #RatchetStoryHour. Tune in next week to see what our ghettofabulous fairies are up to. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I.
Guess what? I feel much better this evening and I am hyped and ready for story hour! #ratchetstoryhour #FridayReads
I am also super excited because @Slaus is going to draw Shawntiqua for me! Yes! You know I'll post as soon as it hits my inbox! lol
As always let me hit you all with my disclaimer. Disclaimer: Story hour is written by me on the fly and by the seat of my pants/skirt/dress/or whatever I’m wearing at the time. So though I do give it a peruse before I tweet I don’t go into deep editing nor do I have an editor sitting by my side. Just ain’t timely.
So I do ask that you forgive any spelling or grammatical errors. This is what I do to warm up my muse so that I can get cracking on my other books. I was reminded about how annoying some folks find spelling and grammatical errors and I just wanted to say sorry in the beginning.
So last we left the Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies and her friend Big Bootied Monied Fairy they had just narrowly escaped getting shot by Big Luther after two Ratchet Chicks tried to spill the T about how he like to get down in the bedroom.
While our ratchet fairies were at it they managed to save Big Luther’s little brother Darwin from a hail of bullets and a life of crime.
The fairies had asked Darwin if there was some place safe they could take him. Far away from the grimy street life. To wit, yes to wit, he replied that he had an aunt out in the Midwest who could take him in. Let’s join the trio now.
Shawntiqua Boss of the Monied Fairies: That sounds like a good place for you to be. Do you know how to contact her?
Darwin: I got her email.
Shawntiqua: Use my phone. Tell her you are on a bus headed her way if she’ll have you. Darwin looked from one to the other.
Darwin: Why are y’all trying to help me? I almost shot y’all.
Booty: Almost. You was just scared. Now hush it and get to emailing.
Darwin emailed and wished that his aunt might be online that night. Had he but known he was standing between two wish granting fairies.
Ratchet wish granting fairies but majical nonetheless. And the majic was working. His aunt responded immediately with the name of the town where she lived. She even wired him a few dollars to help him on his way. Booty and Shawntiqua put him on the bus out of town that night.
As the bus pulled off Booty shook her head in wonder: I can’t believe you pulled off a second happy ending in a day boss.
Shawntiqua: Girl, that wasn’t nothing. And Alizayshia’s happy ending ain’t assured yet. Let’s turn in for the night and meet up for breakfast.
Booty perked up: Chicken and waffles?
Shawntiqua rolled her eyes: Booty do you eat anything else?
Booty pats her booty: Nope. The only thing that keeps me bootilicious.
Shawntiqua CTHU: Booty, you are too much. See you in the AM.
Booty CTHU too: Ok boss.
Next morning found our two fairies rested and feeling a little more majically ratchet. Booty chomping down on a chicken wing.
Booty: So boss what is the plan for today?
Shawntiqua: I think we need to swing by Alizayshia’s today.
Booty burps discretely: What for boss? We were just in there yesterday. Won’t she be suspicious?
Shawntiqua: Nope. We are just checking to see if her numbers hit. We know they did but that gives us an excuse to stop by and spread some more good luck.
Booty: Oooooh! Cool boss!
Shawntiqua and Booty stroll around to Alizayshia’s house of beauty just in time to see her opening up. Shawntiqua can tell something is wrong immediately.
Shawntiqua: Hey Alizayshia! What’s cracking girl?
Alizayshia jumped: Girl! Don’t come up on me like that. Nearly gave me a heart attack.
Shawntiqua exchanges curious looks with Booty: What’s wrong? Why are you so jumpy today?
Alizayshia: Girl me and Dawnques are through! We had a nasty blow up this morning. I thought he had followed me to continue the fight like he sometimes do.
Alizayshia continued taking off the locks to her beauty shop.
Shawntiqua: Well damn. What was y’all arguing about this early in the AM?
Alizayshia laughed self-consciously as she let them into the shop: This is gonna sound stupid but I dreamed he was cheating on me with that bish I can’t stand Antownique Houston! I mean they were going at it in my dream. All over my house. This morning I confronted him about why he never told me that Antownique was one of his baby mommas. Do you know what that fool had the nerve to say?
Shawntiqua and Booty answered in unison: No what?
Alizayshia: That fool had the nerve to say that he couldn’t be bothered to remember all his baby mommas let alone all them kids. So how should he remember if he fugged someone I can’t stand. So then I was like so that’s how it would be if we had kids? That ninja gonna stand there and shrug. It is what it is girl, he says. It ain’t like I ever hid who I was. Then he says, why you tripping anyways. You got your little shop to keep you together and all that. And you know I got you if my rap thing ever take off that way I’m hoping. So why you all upset about them other hoes.
Alizayshia’s neck got to moving: Other hoes? So I’m a hoe now? I’m expecting him to start back peddling now but naw! This fool keeps going on. I don’t know what he dreamed about last night but it must have been something about growing a set of titanium balls because this ninja starts strutting around MY apartment spouting off at the mouth like he work and pay bills. Girl, I don’t have to tell you he ain’t had a job in a good year. He quit the last one because he didn’t like the way the boss talked to him. So I’m standing there listening to this ninja talking about what I don’t know because I done zoned the fugg out. I’m thinking I need his azz to be gone. NOW! Cuz he is messing with my mind on my way to make my paper. Paper we both count on by the way! But is he worried about that? Naw. He talking some nonsense about his expectations and ish.
I called him a few choice names and he packed his ish and rolled out. Which was fine by me. it was just what I needed him to do in the first damn place.
Shawntiqua: Dang girl. Sounds like you had a morning from hell. It just got to get better from here.
Alizayshia started getting things set up for the day. Her first client was due in half an hour: What are you two doing here anyway?
Shawntiqua: We came by to see if you played your numbers last night like I told you?
Alizayshia: Yeah I did but with my luck today I am sure I didn’t hit.
Shawntiqua: Girl check them! You know what they say? Unlucky at love then lucky at cards. Alizayshia looked at her sharply.
Alizayshia almost in a whisper: You know, it is so funny you should say that. I played my numbers but I also bought some of them new scratch offs. The ones that look like playing cards. I thought what the heck, right?
Booty: Well let’s check the scratch offs first and then your numbers.
hawntiqua had a strange feeling: Why don’t you check your numbers first. That will be simpler. Then get a coin out for your scratchoffs.
Sure enough Alizayshia hit for $1,000 on her numbers. But when she got to the scratch offs she hit with two $10,000 cards. She was so excited and jumping around that the fairies had cast a quick muffle spell to keep people outside from hearing what was going on inside the shop.
Alizayshia: OMIGOSH! I’m rich!
Shawntiqua: Girl, you hit! But don’t get too crazy or these folks will rob your loud azz.
Alizayshia settled right down: What should I do?
Shawntiqua: Why are you asking me? Girl it is your money but if it was me I’d cash one ticket now. Cash the $1,000 ticket next month and then the last ticket the next month.
Alizayshia: Why spread it out?
Shawntiqua: Cuz if you cash it all in today then your name hits the papers.
Alizayshia’s face fell: And all the freeloaders come out the woodwork. Girl good looking out.
Shawntiqua: Yup. Not to mention they will be trying to rob your azz. Girl keep it to yourself.
Alizayshia: Oh I will, Shawntiqua, I will! Thanks girl!
Alizayshia repeated: Keeping it to myself!
Welp! Thus ends another #RatchetStoryHour #FridayReads I hope you enjoyed my little story as much as I enjoyed creating it.