I. HATE. CHAMPAGNE.

Great day everyone!

So, if you were on Twitter or Facebook last night you may have seen a couple drunken posts by me.  I’ve deleted nothing as I am happily surprised that I kept it neat and cute.  Though others *looks pointedly at Mimi Tremont* were trying to trick me into being less neat and cute.  Believe me when I type that I can be messy when under the influence of alcohol.  I’m happy to see I kept it clean.

Anyhoodles, I said I’d reveal my reason for being tipsy as soon as I sobered up.  But my head had other ideas. *chuckle* So it took me a bit longer to get this post together.  At last, here it is.

I am working on Elyrian Husbands II, among other stories.  If you will remember, I left Vanessa about to become a billionaire.  Her story picks up from there.  How does a new young billionaire celebrate their new found wealth?  Why with champagne and caviar of course!

Therein lay my problem, I couldn’t honestly tell you what caviar tastes like.  I've had it in dish.  It was just one of the ingredients in the recipe.  I really couldn’t remember what it tasted like all by itself.  So that meant cracking open the piggy bank and going for the gusto.  

First though, I needed to do some research.  I wanted to know what was the finest and what was the least finest that should be consumed by itself.  I mean, my grocery store sells caviar.  I found three different brands and none of them cost more than $10 an ounce.  I’m imagining that that is the cooking caviar.  You know kind of like there are diamonds that become exquisite pieces of jewelry and then there are diamonds that are so flawed that they are ground up into dust to be used in costumes.

So to the internet I went studying up on the various kinds of caviar.  Did you know that the USA produces its own caviar, too?  We get ours from salmon and some white fish.  The salmon caviar is a rather orangey pink as opposed the dark gray/black caviar that is most popular.  If you’ve seen my Pinterest account [link]then you know I have a board entitled Because Sunshine Loves Pink. *chuckles* However, I passed on the orangey pink caviar this time.  I decided to go with what is still considered the best of the best, Beluga.

Having decided on which type of caviar I wanted I remembered the scene in the movie Titanic where the doomed hero Jack is asked by a server how he took his caviar.  The camera does a quick flash at the tray the server is holding.  There’s a lot of stuff on the tray but it was a quick flash.  So back to the internet I went.

I scoured the internet for how to serve it.  It must be kept very cold as it is seafood and you don’t want to end up with tape worms.  What to serve it with, the best should be eaten with champagne only.  The further your caviar falls from the best the more condiments you might need.  Depends on your taste buds.  Popular condiments are chopped boiled egg whites, chopped boiled egg yolks, sour cream, and chopped red onions.

I decided since I was going with the top of the caviar line to skip the condiments.  Also, I didn’t feel like doing the prep work.  Hey!  Quit judging me.  I still have a day job.

I found a store online that wasn’t too many states away from me.  They have a restaurant as well as an online store.  They ship overnight.  Truly I placed my order between 6-7 pm and, after a confirming phone call from a pleasant gentleman with an accent I couldn’t quite place, I received my order the next day just before 10 am.  How’s that for service?

I ordered blinis and crème fraiche to go with this delicacy.  Never had crème fraiche and it was only $6.  A drop in the bucket compared to what I paid for the caviar.

Next, champagne!  Top shelf caviar calls for top shelf champagne.  So I chose Moet.  Why did I practically have to pry the bottle out of the store clerk’s hands?  Seriously.  He carries the bottle to the counter and then has a moment with it as he explains to me, “I really love Moet.”

I’m looking at him like he’s crazy as he sighs over the bottle cradling it.  smh This could only happen to me.

So now I have all my ingredients for my mini nosh.  I decide to wait until Friday night when I could sit back and enjoy it (or not) without having to worry about work in the morning.

I follow the directions on the blini packaging and toasted twelve of them lightly in the oven. I did half with butter and half without.

While they were toasting, I took some pictures of what an ounce of caviar looks like.

Okay, I'm a writer not a photographer. *chuckles* I did the best I could.  Next time I do this, I may get someone else to take the pictures of me getting it out of the container and into its special serving dish.  I had to laugh at myself scraping every last tiny fish egg out of that container. For this price, I want it ALL!!!!

I'll spare you the details about the serving dish and utensils for now.  Just that I purchased a special mother of pearl spoon ($7 including shipping and handling) and the caviar company sent me one for free. Bless their hearts, it is the one in the gold wrapping.

So that is an ounce of caviar.  Time to pop the cork on that champagne and get this tasting on the road.

Since I skipped the pink caviar I did go with the rose' champagne.  Oh it went down nice.  Real nice.

I swear I was sitting still when I took these pictures. I have no idea why one turned out blurry.  Must have been a portent of things to come.

From there it was eat and sip and repeat.  I was half way through the nosh before I remembered the crème fraiche.  But I did and it was a good addition.

It was a very rich experience. I cooked a meal never believing that an ounce of caviar would fill me up.  However, it did in the way that a meal with lots of butter or cream or both would.

I could have skipped the meal but it was shrimp scampi and I had already downed half the bottle of champagne.  My faculties were telling me that though I might not want to eat more, I indeed needed a little more food in my stomach.

Sooooooo...

Did I mention how rich the nosh was?  Well scampi made with butter and wine is pretty rich, too. *chuckles*

By the time I finished what I could of dinner, about half, I was almost done with the champagne.  My night ended with an impromptu concert of my favorite Rihanna songs using the bottle as my microphone. LOL

My neighbors have my apologies.  I think karma got even with me come the morning.  I...a seasoned veteran drinker... was awakened out of my sleep with a headache the likes of which I hadn't felt in years!  Hence, the title of this post.  Ugh!  There would be six painkiller capsules, ringing phones, ringing doorbells, and many jokes and tauntings before I would be right enough to write this missive.

My verdict on the caviar?  I think I'll let Vanessa tell you.  A hint though, now that I've had the best I will try the rest.  Hey!  They cost less and I'll go light on that champagne.  *shakes fist at the empty bottle*

That's tricks.  Remember, Courted II will be live on September 28th.  So bon appétit and have a great night.  And of course, no matter what you are reading: HAPPY READING!